So please don't listen when I dream

It feels good when you crush me
because I've needed a warm touch for so long
but

you're not him
you're not silent friend
the one I don't know if is friend or a foe
you're not pale blue eyes
you're not korky conversations and smiles
you're not laughter and electricity
you're not I close my eyes and wish you were here
you're not him

I need him
the one with the pale blue eyes
I need him to hold my hand
I need him to kiss me first
I need him to tell me to relax
I need him to sit with me under a tree and eat apples
I need him to touch me and capture me
I need him because I want him to need me

Why?
Because never judges
Because the memory of a cold winters night
in the middle of summer
Because chemistry
Because he got in my heart
Because make it all right
Because sleepless nights and daydreams
Because he's that place I'd rather be at
Because until I stop breathing he is all the shades of gray
Because I think I actually